Mother Of Boys Blog

Helmet Tester....

When told that helmets protect her head from banging onto rocks and the cement, Miss 2 1/2 promptly decided to test it out for herself!!! Classic. This girl makes me GIGGLE!

The Importance of Open Ended Projects

Our box is taking shape into a real, bonafide fort!! We are very fortunate that Uncle Shawn is (in Harrison's words) a REAL LIVE CERTIFIED QUALIFIED MASTER carpenter.... So now, we have windows, and a peep hole. Thank you Uncle Shawn.

ECE note: In a world where children receive instant gratification all the time, open ended projects provide many important life lessons including:

-How to plan for a project before jumping right in
-Organizing materials, tools and supplies required for the project
-Budget making (where applicable)
-PATIENCE to know that it won't be finished that day
-Sense of accomplishment upon completing a project

A great way to encourage open ended projects for your children or in your classroom is to have a "Project Bucket" where anything that a child is working on can be placed. This is relevant to almost anything including art projects, lego, building, block/imagination play... This can also help to ease into a new activity for children who have a hard time transitioning from activity to activity. Let me know how it works for your family!

My favourite saying is "It's the process not the product"

12 Steps of Positive Guidance

So many people have the misconception that positive guidance (or discipline) means that children allowed to do what they want. That is so far from the truth, positive guidance and parenting, when implemented correctly is a rounded parenting system that focuses on prevention rather than punishment. My children are given clear, concise boundaries and expectations that are explained to them in a positive manner. I will post more about positive guidance soon, but here are the 12 steps that we follow in our household:

Written by Rochelle Battistelli
Infant Development Consultant extraordinaire, Educational Consultant and staff trainer at my schools (ABC International School in Tokyo) AND most importantly, my mother who raised me with these principles.

12 Steps for Preventing Undesirable Behavior and Setting the Stage for Desirable Behavior

1. ESTABLISH CLEAR, CONSISTENT & SIMPLE LIMITS.
“Inside we walk.”
“Chairs are for sitting on”
“We wash our hands after painting.”

2. OFFER STRAIGHTFORWARD EXPLANATIONS FOR LIMITS.
“The sand stays down low so it doesn’t get into peoples eyes.”
“When you put the toys back on the shelves people can find them easily when they want to play.”

3. STATE LIMITS IN A POSITIVE WAY.
“It’s time to put the blocks away.”
Rather than:
“Don’t leave the blocks on the floor!”

“Turn the pages gently.”
Rather than:
“We mustn't be rough with books!”

4. FOCUS ON THE BEHAVIOR RATHER THAN THE CHILD.
“When you grab the truck it makes John angry.”
Rather than:
“You should be ashamed of yourself for grabbing that truck!”

“Isn't not safe to climb on tables.”
Rather than:
“Don’t climb, naughty boy!”

5. STATE WHAT IS EXPECTED RATHER THAN POSE A QUESTION OR STATE WHAT NOT TO DO.
“It’s time to tidy up now.”
Rather than:
“What time is it?” Or “Lets not leave a mess!”

“Your mommy’s here, it’s time to go home.”
Rather than:
“Who’s here?” Or “You can’t stay at school now, you can come back tomorrow!”

6. PROVIDE CHOICES.
“What so you want to put on first, your pants or your socks.”
Rather than:
“You need to get dressed now?”

“What so you eat first, your carrots or your apple.”
Rather than:
“You need to eat!”

7. ALLOW TIME FOR CHILDREN TO RESPOND TO EXPECTATIONS.
“In five minutes we are going to clean up.”
Rather than:
“Clean up time!”

“When you sit down, I will start the story.”
Rather than:
“If you don’t sit down now, I will not read the story!”

8. REINFORCE APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR WITH BOTH WORDS AND GESTURES.
“Thank you for taking turns with Kathy.”
Rather than:
“Good girl!”

“When tidy up, it makes our room safe.”
Rather than:
“You’re the best helper!”

“You look really proud of your work.”
Rather than:
“I’m so proud of you!”

9. IGNORE MINOR INCIDENTS.
Often noise, clutter and attention seeking behavior can be ignored -
As long as:
It’s not infringing on the rights or safety of others.
This is a time to take a breath and assess before you speak.

10. ENCOURAGE CHILDREN TO USE YOU AS A RESOURCE.
“If you are not sure what to do, ask and I will help you.”
Rather than:
“That’s hard for you, let me do it!”

“I’ll stand beside you while you ask Carlos if you can join in.”
Rather than:
“Don’t be silly, just go and ask him if you can join in!”

11. BE ALERT.
Focus, Scan, Position, Child centered, Team work, Communication

The key is to train yourself to anticipate and step in to prevent problems.

12. PROXIMITY
Especially:
for very young children who are just learning to play cooperatively
or
children have recently acted aggressively
or
children who are having a very difficult day.

When you anticipate a difficulty, being physically close allows you to model or teach desirable behavior in context.

My boy and I

I know I said I'd post about the nanny search, but today Harrison got off the computer and said "Mom, they said to do it STEP BY STEP and I want to build a rescue headquarters STEP BY STEP" We got our wheelbarrow and collected wood from the building site up the road, and then decided we would go to the hardware store, which led to the lumber store... and the rest is history. We worked through dinner, we worked past bedtime, we worked as a team and ended with the best dinner date of my life (sorry Jockey!) I look like crap, my button is undone, there's a photo of my butt and me eating but I DON'T CARE!!!! And yes, I do know how hysterical it is that we are sitting in a box....

The moment when time stands still

I have to preface this with HARRISON IS O.K... I don't want to scare any people that love him. He has been complaining of tired legs lately, and saying that his left leg hurts when he flexes or shakes his leg. As a mother of an active boy, I was keeping an eye on it for a few days thinking it would go away. Then a few days ago, he had a slight limp and I noticed that his leg gave out on him a few times when he went to run. We went right to the doctor, but it was Sunday and closed. Yesterday, we showed up and there were no appointments (it's a drop in clinic, but was full) So finally today we went in.

I have to preface that we are so lucky to have a family doctor. I know this is CRAZY, but so many families in Canada aren't able to find a family doctor right now. Not only do we have one, but she is FANTASTIC. Dr. Cathryn Zeglinski of Northlands Medical Clinic is everything you want a family doctor to be. She is kind, sharp, and never makes you feel rushed or trivial (yes I have had a doctor look at their watch in Whistler and tell me it was more than the alloted 5 minutes...)

Back to the story. I told her the symptoms and you know the second that the air shifts? I could sense a slight tensing in her and the student doctor and a look pass between them (O.K I have a VEEERRRYYY active imagination but anyways..) She examined him and then sent us straight to the clinic for hip x-rays. My body was numb while I kept telling myself "it's just a sprained muscle, it's just a sprained muscle" Kids get aches and pains all the time. I kept running through the conversation with a good friend the night before (PLEASE DON'T FEEL GUILTY FRIEND!) where she told me "my little sister had chronic hip pain and the doctors kept saying it was just growing pains until finally one doctor sent her for an MRI and it turned out to be a tumour on the base of her spine" I kept thinking "Is today the day that is going to change the course of our lives? I know I am dramatic, always have been, always will be. Such is life. Harrison was such a trooper getting x-rays. This is HUGE as he is the same child that actually trashed Dr. Zeglinski's waiting room one time, even overturning furniture!

Back to the Doctors to hear the words that I wanted to hear "All looks normal here" ......and time stopped standing still as I exhaled. He is being treated with advil for 4 days to see if he still shows symptoms without feeling the pain, and then if so, we'll take if from there.

I wish I had the inner calm of my husband who says that he wasn't worried for one moment because he just KNEW that everything would be alright. I'm not one to talk about my faith openly, but I truly feel that every day with my little boys is a gift from god.

Check back tomorrow for a little humour as I take you through my hysterical journey of trying to hire a nanny!

Whistler Farmer's Market is open...YAY!!

There are certain things that just "feel" like summer in Whistler. Hanging out at a lake, 5 hour play dates at the water park surrounded by snowcapped mountains, and cruising the Farmer's Market and adventure zone at the base of Blackcomb Mountain. Harrison had so much fun bouncing on the bouncy castle, then tried a new attraction called the spider web. It is this weird tower with layer upon layer of webs of elastic. Well... he did SO fantastic getting all the way to the top (yes I was glowing in motherly pride) then I heard the panic start to set in to his voice. "Mommy, I can't get down..." I tried to talk him through it (of course with all the parents of children who didn't make it to the top secretly smiling inwardly...) His little face looking down was a picture, anyways he got rescued and all was well.

What was particularly spectacular though was when Daddy and H. went to play mini golf and I got a WHOLE 30 minutes to stroll with my pram (translated shopping cart) through the market. I was delighted at my finds including some GREAT burp cloths and bib from a nice lady who was way undercharging (yay!) A funky outfit for Maverick by a cool local company www.milkshaxs.com, and a handcrafted glass hummingbird feeder. But BEST of all, Harrison and I got spray tattoos, he got a skull spider, and he picked out the daintiest little bat thing for me....not a fairy, but worth it to see the smile he gave me as we proudly displayed our body art!

Roller coaster of emotions.

I've been away from my typepad for a few days.... this weekend has been a roller coaster of emotions. On Saturday, Susie and I set out to Squamish to the Test of Metal race to try to raise money for Ryder's trust fund and get the biking community to support their bike shop Sharkey's Cycles (www.sharkeyscycles.com) It was so overwhelming to tell the story time after time that by the end, I was emotionally spent and exhausted. I came home and went to sleep at 7:15. What broke my heart more was that what I was feeling was nothing compared to what Jimi and Nicole are going through every day...

Sunday was a much better day. We celebrated our family, and the most WONDERFUL AND AMAZING father, Jockey. I know that we are very fortunate to be able to have both parents at home to raise our sweet boys, and I think of how lucky my sons are every day to have a father that has neverending energy, patience, and who is an official member of Harrison's rescue squad.

Jockey provides for Harrison, what I can't. I just can't throw myself into flinging myself off the bed, or rescuing for hours on end. Fathers can roughhouse with their sons in a way that most Mothers just can't.... and I've finally come to embrace the fact that Harrison NEEDS time to be out of control, to go in search of "baddies", and yes, even to be obsessed with superheroes. Raising boys is a special journey, and I am so blessed to have Jockey at my side every step of the way. Hats off to all the single mothers of boys who are trying their best to be both Moms and Dads to their sons. Dig deep and find your inner superhero, it's tough, but it's there.

What could be better?

We are all waiting and hoping for summer to arrive (HELLO IT IS JUNE 12th....) Anyways, the last two times that the sun has poked through and I have been lucky enough to have my fantastic girlfriends Sue and Liz over we came up with a great activity that not only kept the kids totally engrossed (so we could have a good gab) but even better than that, the clean up was as fun as the activity!!! A picture says a thousand words....

Time for my bed...

It's 11:54 and I know that baby Maverick (4 months yesterday!) is going to be up soon for a feed so I REAAAALY should go to bed. The thing is that you hit the ground running every day juggling schedules, kids, trying to grab a bite when you can and then when they finally get to sleep (Harrison 7:12 and Maverick 10:32) you just want a little down time.....I see all you Moms nodding your head in agreement. And don't we all love it when our partners say helpfully "If you're so tired, why don't you go to sleep?" But this time to have a bath, return emails, read a book, watch trashy t.v, is just such a treasure.

NOW I've gone and added another activity which is this fun blog......from which I will go unwind from my time in front of the screen with a good book. I am very new at this and I apologize for the ad about trying to find a husband....(I'll figure it out soon enough, in the meantime, please don't take offense if an ad for anything questionable comes on!!) But I do have to say to the person in S.Korea, and California, and Texas that logged in... YOU JUST MADE MY DAY!!

Sweet Dreams.

Bedtime...

Anyone who knows Harrison knows that he is particularly articulate for a 4 1/2 year old. I think that's why I love it so much when he gets things a little bit mixed up.

Tonight after brushing his teeth, he jumped down from the counter (of course you would never climb down, must jump!) and yelled "First one to the bed is a rotten egg" then beelined it to the bed. Then he said proudly with a big smile "I'm a rotten egg!" We jumped (yes again jumped) into bed for a snuggle and he said "Mommy, I love you best in the whole WHITE world"
Sometimes he makes me smile so hard I think my face is going to break.